[Thursday March 1st] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Journey ] and lately I've been thinking about how amazing my life seemed just a little over a month ago. I wish I could completely get over it. I need someone. this is impossible. & This disease continues to dialate

ohhh yeah [Monday December 18th] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | football ] I am so excited for the upcoming weeks. yes yes yes. so excited. && my party was so good saturday. I had a lot of fun. :D uhh I got a brown/green zune for christmas instead of a video ipod. I happened to like them more. they are sweet. I am so excited to get it for christmas though. I can't wait. XD uhh christmas is soon. and I will be home this year. yay! I will also be home for new years for the first time in my life. I am excited. my family is coming from Indiana where they now live instead of us going there. yay! exciting. I get lots of presents too. :D haha. uhh and I also can't wait until the holidays are over. then I'm going job hunting. pier 1 imports is my number one stop. old navy. jo-anns. target. those are my first stops. sooooo excited. :D & This disease continues to dialate

[Tuesday November 14th] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | fear before ] I am not happy with myself or my life. I just want to start things over at this point. =/ & This disease continues to dialate

[Sunday November 12th] [ mood | calm ] [ music | blood brothers. ] wow. my weekend was basically crazy. hahahahahahaha. if you only knew. ohh friday night. ohhhh man. I had so much fun, but I was a bad girl. haha. :D it's ok though, not everyone remembers what happened, but oh I do. I remember almost everything. :D oh man oh man. if you only knew. & This disease continues to dialate

[Sunday October 15th] [ mood | content ] [ music | He is Legend ] ahhh. this weekend was just amazing. friday was great. the homecoming game with Bre, Kait, Tressa, and Jay Pee. that was a lot of fun. freezing though. we had fun being stupid and joking around though. Kearsley lost, but oh well. they kinda suck anyways. haha. saturday. ohhh man yesterday was so good. going to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings with the gang. that was some yummy food. then to the dance in Zac's astro van. the dance was awesome, with Kait, Bre, Jessica, Melisa, Sue, Emily, Zac, and Tay. we danced the night away. :] :] bowling was the best part. ohh man. thanks to the fight, and Phil, James, Tressa, Brianna, Danielle, Cory, and the rest. ohhh man ohh man. it's beyond words how much fun I had. :] thank you everyone for making homecoming amazing. <3 1 & This disease continues to dialate

[Tuesday August 22nd] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | gilmore girls ] ( dirt fest photos ) 2 & This disease continues to dialate

[Monday August 21st] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Spill Canvas ] so dirtfest was pretty much amazing. I loved every bit of it. The Number 12 was by far my favorite. they did amazing. I got some pretty sweet photos too. I will put them up later. Houston Calls did amazing too. ohhh when I went to their tent to buy a shirt I pulled out my money and on the outside was a 50. The bass player was like hey uhh I have a girlfriend, but can we go to olive garden she doesn't have to know. then he saw that I had another 50 and a 20, and he was like yeah we're definately going to olive garden later. it was funny. I'm glad I went I got to see all of my amazing friends and what not. but I got hella sunburnt and I'm extremely sore. ohh gosh speaking of sore. SILVERSTEIN. holy shit. that crowd was insane! I felt like I was going to die. but they did good, of course. :] & This disease continues to dialate

[Friday August 11th] [ mood | confused ] [ music | death cab ] FUCK. & This disease continues to dialate

[Tuesday August 1st] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Modest Mouse-Talking Shit about a Pretty Sunset ] mmm so. I want to go back up north. I miss it. I miss Long Lake. I miss the bonfires, every night. I miss hearing acoustic music from the near by cabins. I remember sitting on the dock and hearing the music wondering where it was coming from. I look over and see a boy around 16 sitting on the dock playing his guitar and singing. it amazed me. he was amazing. he reminded me of my friend John, who is by far better than the boy I heard. so I texted him and we chatted for awhile, it was nice. I miss him a whole lot. I miss the antique and thrift stores. I miss the stars, and how beautiful they were. I miss the smell of the fresh air. I miss being so exhausted every night, and sleeping like a baby. I miss throwing my dog in the water, and him pattling like crazy. I miss the adventures of this new place and exploring everything in the house. I miss being excited over the stupid things that I would find or see. I just miss it all. this list could go on and on. :] 2 & This disease continues to dialate

[Friday July 21st] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | btbam ] well I'm out of here. Alpena here I come. hahahaha. I will be back in a week or so. ily all. :] if you need to call me, here is my cell, if you don't have it. 810-814-7499. buhbye. & This disease continues to dialate

[Thursday July 20th] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Cursive ] soo. I leave at 9:00am tomorrow for ALpena. I should then be up there at around 1:00 or so if the traffic is good. ugh. I want to go, but I don't. there is no one my age up there. they're all old people or like in there 20's. no fun. hopefully I'll meet some gorgeous boy who happens to be from around here and on vacation just like me. that would make me happy. hah. :] 2 & This disease continues to dialate

[Monday July 17th] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Bringing Down Broadway ] Norma Jean today. yay! & This disease continues to dialate

[Sunday July 16th] [ mood | confused ] [ music | anathallo ] yesterday was a good day. I had so much fun all day. The mall. getting stuff. :] the show. seeing Becky, Tressa, Kaitlyn, Melisa, Jessica, Megan, Mike, Ryan, Philly, James, and Markus. it was an amazing night fo sho. Bringing Down Broadway was amazing. :] 3 & This disease continues to dialate

[Sunday July 9th] [ mood | hahaha fucker. ] [ music | hey there delilah. ] everything is so fucked up hah. I suck at this. & This disease continues to dialate

[Friday July 7th] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Alkaline Trio ] mmm. I love my new layout. it's so pertty. :] arrrgh. my gums hurt. mhmm. this was completely pointless. oh well. :] & This disease continues to dialate

[Tuesday July 4th] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | The Receiving End of Sirens. ] ohhh. things have been eh confusing. everything. and I'm sooo weak. I don't know what to do. I'm weak phisically and emotionally. it's weird. I've never really been like this. I've always been able to hold myself together. I feel weird actually letting people see this. I mean I've never let anyone know things like this. I keep to myself, and I'm good at hiding. I try to keep happy and it doesn't always work. I look happy, and I am at times, but not always. I try not to be fake happy, but I guess I have to sometimes. yeah. I don't know. this is all stupid. why am I complaining so much. for the past couple weeks I've been blacking out a lot. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not dehydrated, I know. my doctor says it's nothing. if it's nothing then why does it keep happening over and over again. and due to these blackouts, I get really bad headaches and sometimes migraines. it's really horrible. hmm. I think I'm done for now. I don't know what to do with myself. =/ 4 & This disease continues to dialate

[Wednesday June 28th] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Moraine ] Suburban Myths from the book The Realm of Possibility. some are funny. some are kinda true. :] there are alligators in the sewers of Bloomfield Hills, and if you're coming home late from a party--at, say two in the morning-- you have to be careful because that's when they lift the manhole covers and go to the Blockbuster to get videos to watch while they're underground the next day. there was once a Blockbuster cashier who tried to charge an alligator late fees and they found his body the next morning bitten in twenty-three different places. his blood out of the faucets for days. teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcastic or ironic. if they say, "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore not a joke. there was a woman in Urbana who loved to eat so much that it became her life. the neighbors stopped seeing her, all they would see in a never-ending parade of takeout deliverymen--pizza boys and Chinese box holders and the girls from El Taco Grande who swore the woman left more money for tips than anyone else. they never saw her, though. this went on for years. she left twenties under the front mat ans bribed boys for McDonald's to take their breaks delivering her cartoons of supersize fries, supersize sodas, supersize burgers. eventually, this one kid John and his friends decided to break in and scare her. but she got them instead, because they found her dead in the kitchen, weighing nearly as much as the bed she'd moved in there just so she could be close to all the things she loved. everybody's heard the one about love being easy. it happened once to this boy from Newton. the girl he liked ended up being the girl who liked him. when he saw her in the hall, she brightened and spoke music to him. there was nothing to be a afraid of, even though he was white and she was black, bessings rained down from all of their friends and family and even a couple of teachers. they never played games with each other, they never had to worry where they stood, because if either of them had a moment of wavering, the other would say I love you and would mean it and all doubts were forgiven because in this one case it was found that love conquers all. all alike families are happy. there was this one family in Sarasota that was even identical. people couldn't tell who the father was, the mother was, the son was. they were all so happy that it didn't matter who they were. eventually a circus bought them and charged admission for people to see them in their natural happy habitat. spectators would come from all across the state to see them eat dinner together, watch the same channels together, talk to each other at length. People called them freaks not because they were identical, but because they were so damn happy. popularity is in fact a democracy. it is a fair and square contest. every month, students vote, and the kindest, most compassionate people are always chosen to be the most poplular. just as we always choose the best person in the country to be president, we always pick the most deserving people to be popular. they, in turn, humbly accept and prove to be role models for all the rest of the students, because their position is so much based on worth and not at all on looks or cruelty. there was this girl from Springfield who was asked to the prom by a guy who really, really hated her. he did it on a dare, and the girl was unaware of it. she used all her money yo buy a dress and a flower for his jacket. the dress was a white as a cloud in a dream and the flower was a red rose. she waited on prom night for him to pick her up. instead he and his friends drove by over and over while she waited on the curb, holding the rose in her hand. her dress billowed in the wind and sucked up all the dirt from the tires as the boys called her a ferret and honked so all the neighbors would see. she couldn't take it and the next time they drove by she jumped out in front. she wnet crashing through the windshield and her dress fanned out in the impact, suffocating them all. the rose was not damaged. the town of North Orange is still recovering from the day the students came to bilogy class and found their teacher lying on the table, his chest cut open, his body dripping with formaldehyde. the window was open and all the frog tanks were empty. the kid in the back of the class opening fire into his notebook, ink explosions of thought, is the kid to out for, the kid who one day will bring a gun to school and take revenge for not bieng the person you are, the person you want him to be. if he wears black, he's twice as likely, if he wears headphones at lunch, he's three times as likely. if you look over his shoulder, you will see that everything he writes is always about you. & This disease continues to dialate

[Thursday June 22nd] [ mood | confused ] [ music | TI - 24g ] you knowwwww what. fuck boys. yeahh. I mean seriously. all they do is cause troblem and fuck things up. that's always the case. it's always the same. always. I get stuck in these fucked up situations all the time. why? why me? wtf 2 & This disease continues to dialate

[Tuesday June 20th] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Commander ] wow that show last night ohhhh amazing. ohhhh man. We got there right when Chiodos was playing but they didn't do all that good and I've seen em a million and one times so it's not like I cared much. it was nice to see them again though. after the show me, Tressa, and Nathan got to talk to Jason. he's such a nice guy. :] then ohhh Haste the Day, they were amazing. ohhhh I like them. they like to encourage crowd surfing alot. and uh I don't like that shit. I was standing rigggght in the front. so I guess I was asking for it. I got kicked/hit/headbutted in the head soooooo many times. yeah that doesn't feel good. but I lived. hah and I grabbed some girls boob when she was crowd surfing so that she wouldn't fall on me. annnnd I didn't mean to. hahahaha. :] thenn It Dies Today. They were AMAZING. they were soooooooooo good. I got up to the very very front right against the gate for them. ohhhh I about died but I didn't care at that point. ohhhh they were sooo amazing. but Tressa's chin hit the bar on the gate. which was not gooood. yeahhh. and Nate was going crazy. and I was going crazy. it was amazing. I couldn't ask for more. I have the best show buddies. :] ohhhhh that was an amazing show even though we missed The Showdown and Flee the Seen. I was pretty pissed about that but it was still gooood. today Juliano is coming over. and we're going to make brownies. and do other stuff. it should be funn. :] & This disease continues to dialate

[Sunday June 18th] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Feist ] today was an ok day. I changed my room around. it looks really nice. I'm thinking I like it more. it looks more roomy in there. :] my mom made: ribs chicken shishcabobs (sp) hot dogs bratwursts speghetti salad baked beans and for desert: my special jello and coolwhip shit german chocolate cake (which I do not like) it was good stuff. I didn't eat that much but I still feel like I'm going to puke. bleck. yeah me and my mom bought my dad some cologne, it smells goooood. hah. it's Lacoste. yeah I picked it out. I'm good like that. :] my feet itch. I have mosquito bites all over them from the drive-in. :[ tomorrow should be good. Juliano is coming over, and we're going to make brownies. I'm excited. I haven't seen him in awhile. yeahhh. :] & This disease continues to dialate

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